Don't make me go all caps on you

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Okay, I really do have a couple craft/design posts coming, really, but I feel I have to say this since I keep reading those "guilty" mothering statuses on Facebook. And then I made the mistake of watching the bit on Anderson Cooper where a woman called stay-at-home moms "lazy" and I didn't feel the SAHMs defended their position very well. Some of their silence could be taken as agreement. Really, it's 2012 and we're still debating that?? Whatever.

Back to the guilt - So what is everyone feeling so guilty about? That you cannot measure up to your own demands? That you cannot measure up to a neighbor who seems to have it all together? Who is putting this pressure on you to be that perfect mom? I have been a mom for almost 17 years now and since then I have been told that there is no such thing as a perfect mom. Have you heard that too? If so, who is spreading this rumor to the contrary?
And to whom are you comparing yourself?
Where is this SuperMom that everyone seems to think exists? She seems like the Sasquatch of suburbia to me. I would like to meet her.

Bottom line: Guilty feeling mothers - you gotta STOP thinking this way! It's self-imposed and we have to stop it or our daughters will grow to think the same way.

I've met some good moms, sure, and I have friends whom I admire and are good moms but I don't think they are perfect moms. I think the mothering they do works for them. And that is where I think women should be: doing what works for their family and being the mother that fits them, their personality, their lives. (Unless of course this involves being mean. And when I say "mean," I really think abusive but that's a whole other story.)

I don't think we could ever get to all that we want to do and in the way we want to do it. Restrictions on time and money contribute to that so we've got to pick and choose and be happy about it. Let the guilt fall and leave it there.

By my mom's own admission, she had plenty of imperfections. I knew that. But guess what?? I didn't care. I don't even remember them anymore, really. Nudging me awake at midnight on a school night to get hot chocolate at Shari's restaurant is one of my favorite memories of her. Just she and I out and about. Giddy from being tired, we'd laugh and laugh about stuff and then would laugh about laughing so hard. A "perfect" mom probably would've made her children get their rest for school the next day. I am so glad she wasn't a perfect mom.

So remember this: Your children love you despite what you think of yourself. Don't continue to waste your time worrying about whether you're being a perfect mom to them because frankly, you're not. But you're better, you're their version of a perfect mom. And theirs is the only version that really matters.

I'm done wagging my finger at us now. :)


And because we like pictures with our posts, here's a picture of my horses (2nd picture.) Mine was the black one. The Midnight Champion was his show name but I just called him "Middy." Star Countess was my sister's but we just called her Star. She was a diva. (Horse not sister.)

The house where I grew up is in the background on the hill between the two horses. There I was raised by imperfect people who loved me a lot.


  1. “He who is not contented with what he has would not be contented with what he would like to have.” Socrates

  2. Good post.
    I think we should all have more pride.


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