I came home from work the other day and Charley said, "Mom, someone wants to see you..." and it was Belén, skype-ing all the way from college in Idaho. I am so thankful for technology! We sat and chatted and I told her funny things about work which she understood, having worked for me all last fall up until leaving for college. She told me all about school and the fun she's having, along with some of her more difficult days. With depression, you just never know when those down times will occur but she's hanging in there.

We had to be a little firm with the admin and ask that she have one on one counseling rather than the group counseling session she was placed in. We are not the type of parents to hover and to ever ask for exceptions for our kids. They know that if their teacher, whether in school or church, or coach of their team says that they need to get with the program, then they need to get with the program. I don't think we've ever run into a problem with a teacher. They know we aren't those parents who think our kids are the golden children. Those parents bug me.

But in this case, we knew they didn't know the severity of Belén's depression. We asked her to first do as they suggested and report back on how she felt. She tried the group session but it was a no go. The Dean's office staff said they are overwhelmed with counseling but the majority is dealing with homesickness and anxiety, which untreated can result in far worse problems, of course. We absolutely didn't mind finding a counselor off campus but after reviewing her file, they realized that working her in to a private session was best. That helped ease my mind a lot.

It's been a little over a year since our whole journey into the treatment for depression started. It's been a long road and will more than likely be a lifelong one. Hopefully gone are the days that one is viewed as flawed, lacking faith or just plain ridiculous when even everyday life is too much for some.
I think the tide is changing.

Last night I dreamt of my daughter; thoughts on depression

We were standing on the edge of the shore with our feet sinking into the sand as the tide rushed over them. The sea's foamy surf left bubbles on our toes. In the distance were big, crashing waves and white caps. Its sight along with the sound let you know of the sea's massive power. We'd walk a little farther into the ocean and run back as the waves got closer and flattened, laughing as we beat them to the shore.
I remembered in the last part of my dream thinking that the waves would not overtake us. They may always be in the distance but they're not coming close enough to suffocate.

And then I awoke and I wondered how my daughter slept last night. I wondered what her dreams were. This is her 2nd stay in the hospital and is being treated for depression. Like a freak wave in the ocean, it came out of nowhere and tumbled her to the ground. We had to deliver the news yesterday that she would not be involved in her high school graduation ceremonies.  Three and a half years of hard work and diligent studying seemingly washed away, she felt. Now we know this isn't true but in a teenager's mind the excitement of that day is all they think of. Her response was expected but through her tears she said, "I have literally been dreaming of this day with my friends. I should have done more."

It angered me a bit. Not at her but that here she is, fighting to get healthy and clear her mind and body of debilitating sadness and anxiety and even she falls into the culture so pervasive with mental health which says somehow she can prevent this. That somehow just thinking happy thoughts can take this away and she could have done more when she absolutely couldn't. By no means is this a choice, just as you wouldn't choose to have any other disease.

While I was visiting her yesterday, I counted 23 children at dinner between the ages of 4 and 12 in the child unit. 23 not counting those that hadn't earned a trip to the cafeteria and were eating back in the unit. And all those kids are the ones that are lucky enough to have people in their lives who feel that therapy is important and seek help or have the funds or insurance to place them in a mental health facility. It's time to deal with it as aggressively as we do cancer and other diseases. It's time.

We have decided as a family to be open with our experiences in mental illness. We're not ones to bring on the attention so you won't hear me talk about it a lot or reference it in everyday conversations. That tires people out. But we are not embarrassed because there is nothing to be embarrassed about and are open to questions of every kind.

As with pretty much everything in life, you meet challenges head on or you don't and just hope something changes. So we're going head to head with this sucker.