We all may have a vision of how we want life to go. For the most part, days are happy and we move along just living life, knowing that we'll have an occasional sprinkle of disappointment or sad times along the way. But does anyone really envision what those sad times might be? I don't.

Even as I sat, listening to a few doctors tell me of their findings that cancer had invaded my body, my mind was not processing their words. It was so far off my radar that my mind had a hard time catching up to my ears. I didn't want to hear any more but sat, unmoved and pretended to be interested in what they were saying. What I really wanted to do was run out of the office, run, run run.  

In the blink of an eye they grow

When Charley was born the nurse said, "Look at all that dark hair" but after she cleaned her up and brought her to me, the nurse said, "She's not dark haired, she's a blonde!" and handed her to me.

I cradled her in my arms, thinking about how good it felt to be resting with her and reviewing the past few hours of our journey together and how quickly she came into the world. I studied her face, taking note of the little bruise on her nose, and how she had the same stork bite I did. Her big eyes were dark and alert and then I noticed the coloring of her face. I thought that it looked more like my skin tone and then thought, "Wait a minute" and pulled back her cap. I knew it. Smiling, I whispered to her, "You're a red head."

Happy 20th!

And they say redheads can't wear pink

   

Charley 

Spring 2016  

A walk through the forest trail

 

Dress: Marshall's

Blue beads, gold leaf necklace, arm cuff: thrifted

Mom, tell me a story

At bedtime my two youngest always ask for a story about when I was little. It seems I struggle a bit more these days than I used to in recalling stories from my past. They try to jog my memory by saying, "Remember the story when you hit that girl?" I tell them adamantly that I did not hit a girl. "I have never hit another human being, ever. I chucked a snowball at her face, yes, and I was mad at her, but I didn't hit her hit her. And she would've killed me had she gotten a hold of me. Luckily we became friends and laughed about it years later."

Then they go on, "Remember when you fell off your horse and landed on your back on a cow pie?"
"Yep, I remember that clearly. There was a big splat." I say as I bring the covers up and tuck them around their shoulders.
"Or how about the time you were in a greased pig contest?"
"I told you that one? Yeah, I almost had him. I doubt if we'd do that today. Probably not nice for the pigs."
"Or when you use to go haying with your dad and get a milkshake and sit on the hay bales on the truck?"
"I like the one about the goat trying to eat your name tag on your first grade field trip, when the name tag was still around your neck and your mom got into a tug of war with him."

That memory made me laugh out loud. I could still see my mom's face as she wrestled with the goat to get the name tag out of his mouth. She said to me, "Goats like to chew on anything!" as I was becoming nose-to-nose with him.

And that's where they got me to tell another story, drudged up from the vault of memories.

Moments like this remind me that putting down the fairy tale book in favor of a story about when you were young can make for some great storytelling. And I like to think that my kids can more easily envision me when I was like them.

All five of my lovelies with me and Jon in the background talking with Belén's grandpa-in-law

Current state of affairs

This is the scene on the East coast right now. I just opened the door really quickly and took a picture with my computer. We have over 2 feet and 24 hours more of snow to go. The weather had been so mild I never brought in the patio furniture. Oops.

We're in our pajamas, snacks spread out on the table, napping in-between games. I loooovvee being snowed in. Everything is shut down, except Turkey Hill. This is the first time in 16 years that Jon does not have to put the car in 4 wheel drive and head in to a hotel to make sure all the guests are taken care of and that the power has not gone off.

My main job is Mon-Fri and from home for the most part so I have no where to be and we closed the shoppe today so I really have no reason to go out. For those that have to make it in to work, bless you and stay safe!

Happy New Year!

I'm recommitting myself to a few things in this New Year - one being this blog. 

The rest will reveal themselves.

Until then, Happy New Year from me to you!

A gift, service and a run in Philly

A year ago I was at my Uncle's funeral where my cousin Wendi and I were talking. Unfortunately over the years of living here ( I grew up on the West coast) the only time I tend to see some of my PA cousins are at funerals.

So as we were talking, Wendi asked if she could get Blair a birthday present and of course I said, "Sure!" so she asked Blair if she liked to read. Blair gave a resounding yes. Wendi said that her niece was editing a book which would soon be released and she could probably get her a signed copy. Blair was so excited about this. Wendi texted me a month later and said she hadn't forgotten about it but life came up and she would get on it. I told her not to worry. I had actually forgotten about it when Wendi messaged me again and said she had it and would mail it out.

It wasn't too long after that when I received word from my cousin, BethAnn, Wendi's sister, that Wendi had been diagnosed with a brain tumor during this time. I was shocked. I had just hammed it up with her in pictures a few months back. BethAnn said that Wendi kept telling her to get the book mailed for her. I responded by saying enough with the book, just get better. But there would be no getting better. The cancer took her quickly and mercilessly. Here she was, in the fight of her life, and she was trying to get Blair that book.

At her funeral, Blair received her gift from Wendi. It is now a prized possession. And it's a constant reminder that my worst of moments so far are not that tough and I can do a better job of making time for service.

So the least I could do was to join BethAnn's team in the Race for Hope in Philadelphia, through the National Brain Tumor society, to say thank you to Wendi and honor her memory.

Best seller

BethAnn and me

Me and my little cheering section. Love them.

Sometimes you can go home again

Last week I flew home to Washington and Oregon. Even though I grew up on the WA side of the river, those of us from that area consider both states home. We go back and forth to Portland almost everyday for work and play. It's literally 15 minutes from my home to Oregon. The whole weekend I was wondering why I hadn't made time to come back. But the reality is that it's not always feasible when you live clear across the US. Time, money, work commitments...

Jon and I married and left for California immediately when he was in the military and we never looked back, really. We've been on our own ever since, dotting the US with moves. I think for a few years we thought we would end up back home but with every passing year, that seemed further out of reach. This trip was 7 years after the last.

But going home was fantastic. It was my high school reunion and the time I was able to see my two brothers and their families. My school was small. I think there were only 134 that graduated in my class and most of them I have known since Kindergarten. We have a lot of pride about that. We're all intertwined in some way. A lot of our fathers worked together at the mill, our older or younger siblings went to school with our friends' siblings, we had cousins in different grades, you get the idea.

So when you get together, it's not just with friends who are more like acquaintances, it's with people who know the real you. It's with the people you had birthday parties with in 1st grade, it's with people that came to your house to watch the world premiere of MJ's Beat It video, it's your tennis partner for 4 years who was also your driver's ed partner, it's your best friend Richard who passed notes to you in 6th grade and who, 12 years later, was there putting your heart back together after a break-up.

I always felt pretty lucky to grow up where I did and with whom I did. And after a weekend of laughing until I cried and dancing until 2 am with old friends, and then looking out onto the beautiful vistas of the northwest, it just reconfirmed what I had always known.

My excitement always builds when I see this volcano!

My brothers and families at Cannon beach (3 of the kids are not pictured)



And random phone photos. I kept forgetting to take pictures...

The reason why I still, to this day, have never had a McDonald's hamburger.

Supreme Court Decision - thoughts

Because the tag line of this blog says 'a little of everything,' I had to comment on the historic decision by the Supreme Court, ruling in a 5 to 4 vote that the Constitution guarantees a right to same-sex marriage.
And my comment is that it doesn't bother me at all.

I could give a long explanation as to why a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, me, would support it but I won't do that because for me it's simple:
I want people to be happy. We were not meant to go it alone in life. And no one's marital status has an effect on my family, period.

What does have an effect on my family
is the economy of the United States and Congress' revolving door of lobbyists who are given special privileges and are allowed to make policy that ONLY benefit the companies they lobby for. That is what is detrimental to my family.

Opponents say that this decision will weaken the family. I say that companies who slash benefits, send jobs overseas, skirt around paying taxes and pollute the environment are weakening the family.

I could go on and on but you know where I am on it. Everyone deserves to live a good life in the way they've set out for themselves, that's where I am.

A random snapshot of thoughts/happenings

So I said I was supposed to have all this time to get back to blogging...

Jon still lives in Arkansas and I don't, this is true. We'll be there over the summer so that will be a blast. We'll just go back and forth until we figure out what we want to do.

Charley graduated from high school last week! I am so happy for her to move on and discover what she really wants to do. So that's 2 down, 3 to go. Cliche or not, the time does go quickly.

Graduation 

A major spring cleaning mode has hit. While Jon was home last week, we cleaned most of the garage. Now I'm going through each bedroom and pulling out everything no one uses or plays with. I took two bags of kids' clothes to consign at a cute little shop in my town. She gave me 50 bucks right then. Sweeeet.

Baseball and soccer just ended...thankfully! I love that my kids are in sports, it was just a challenge to be at both games at the same time. I know to have a better plan for next year.

End of year school carnival

My friend Starr and I opened a little shop in a co-op on April 1st. It's been going well. We have been really busy since merchandise is turning over quickly and we hate to have an empty space. I still have a part time job as well as Starr so between the two, we have full-time jobs! I left my life sucking full time (corporate) job on March 1st and even though I'm just as busy but have less money, I enjoy this so much more and can schedule everything around my kids' schedules.

Starr and me with a load of barnwood 

I feel like doing more on instagram so if you want to peek in, find me at @lauramontgomery1, the shop is @athomeagain

I finally started reading "All the light we cannot see" I love to read but can never make the time. So this summer I'll sit lazily by the lake while the kids fish and read to my heart's content. (In between helping reel in a fish or two.)

Our back yard in Arkansas and the boys fishing

I've decided to really save up for a trip back to Japan. I want to take Jon to see my old mission stomping grounds, visit Buddhist temples, see old friends and have real sushi, udon, sukiyaki...we'll just eat our way around the country. I'd like to climb Mt. Fuji again too. It's going to be a slow savings.

Is it hypocritical of me to complain about people complaining on Facebook so much?
Probably, yes.

I sat and talked with my friend Jaime at a get together a week ago. She moved away last year. It filled my heart to just catch up face to face even if it was just an hour. Now if I could just do that with other friends who have moved, it would be most perfect.

Isn't it great, though, if you haven't seen your friend in a while and when you meet up again, you feel as if you just picked up right where you left off? I love that.

Happenings that probably aren't that interesting but it's what's going on around here

The end of the school year was a flurry of activity. Reese finished up baseball season with a perfect losing record. The team really improved despite the losses. They had fun and more importantly, learned a little more about life, having to work together and be dedicated and loyal to a team. We were really proud of Reese for sticking through it. Now he's looking forward to fall ball and going in to middle school.


Trae finished up his first year of  Kindergarten and T-ball and loved it. Trae man loves everything. He is the best kid that way. Anything and everything is the "best day ever" for him. It doesn't matter what it is. He was one of 3 kids to be selected to all stars. So much fun. He already went to 2 Vacation Bible schools this summer. Again, it was the "best summer EV-ER!" so far.

Blair Noel played soccer and was great! She really enjoyed it and just looked the part of a soccer player. She also finished up her 2nd (3rd? Oh my gosh, I can't remember) year of Girl Scouts. I hope she sticks with it. I only made it to 9th grade but loved it all those years. She's heading into 3rd grade next school year and was a favorite among her teachers for being that one that always helps others in class. She is now giving Trae summer school lessons at the kitchen table. We are getting her room together this summer. I bought her new curtains and we went to Sherwin-Williams and gathered sample colors for her walls. She really wanted blue, just blue, so we came up with a nice color scheme that I think will be really pretty, one that's not all blue.

Charley went to church Young Women's camp for a week and then on to Girl's state for a week after that. The weekend she came home I didn't even see her. She was so exhausted. A good, had-a-blast exhaustion. She was president of her Seminary class this past school year. Her teacher said she was the only one that comes in happy that early in the morning. It's always been that way. As a baby I would go to pick her up out of her crib and she'd be lying there, smiling, waiting for me. Friends are really important to her so she is spending a lot of time with them this summer before her last year of high school when she won't have as much time to hang out.

Unfortunately last week, we made an unexpected trip to Texas for Jon's father's funeral. It was quite a shock but Jon's at peace with it now. The good thing is that you reconnect with family and make plans for future visits and not just at funerals, which seems to be the way it's been the last 10 years.

The service itself was nice, not very long. Jon recalled some funny stories and moments with his dad. One was when they were living in Laredo and Jon, at age 4, challenged him to eat a dog biscuit. They both sat on the back porch and ate some. He recalled his dad's quirky sense of humor, how he was so proper and had a great work ethic. And he highlighted his father's protectiveness of Jon's mother and the tender and loving way her treated her. That's where Jon learned it.

We all went to a restaurant afterward and sat for hours; laughing and mingling. Just the way dad would have wanted. Charley and Belén could not attend which was disappointing but that's the way things go sometimes.

While we were in Texas, we made sure it was fun for the kids. I took them down to the Riverwalk while Jon and his siblings worked on boxing up their father's belongings. I spent many summers in San Antonio visiting my grandma and cousins and the Paseo del Rio is a must stop. I swung by Comfort, Texas which is one of my favorite antiquing towns in the Hill Country. We usually take a trailer if we drive the Durango but we took my little car to save on gas. The trailer comes in handy when I find just the antique and can haul it home. Of course this time we didn't do that and I found just the antique. Oh well. We made stops along the way at hotels to rest and swim. We found a water park in Arkadelphia, Arkansas that was such a good deal we plan on making that a traditional stop on our way to and from Texas now.

The kids enjoyed seeing their cousins and filling up on Mexican food (I can't find anything half-way decent in PA, except my own of course ;) ) and Texas barbecue! We went to Rudy's in Austin on the way home to have lunch with our nephew and his wife. The food was so delicious but our eyes were bigger than our stomachs. They even have a web cam where you can watch them cut the brisket. Texans are serious about their barbecue.

Sadly, I was not able to visit my mom's side of the family, the Hernandezes. It was a tight schedule to say the least. I was only able to take a week off of work so there was no extra time to do much else. Hopefully next time.

That's life in a nutshell right now. Off to cleaning up the house, putting things back in order and prepping for a long week at work...until next time.


~ L

The tide is changing - update on dealing with depression

I came home from work the other day and Charley said, "Mom, someone wants to see you..." and it was Belén, skype-ing all the way from college in Idaho. I am so thankful for technology! We sat and chatted and I told her funny things about work which she understood, having worked for me all last fall up until leaving for college. She told me all about school and the fun she's having, along with some of her more difficult days. With depression, you just never know when those down times will occur but she's hanging in there.

We had to be a little firm with the admin and ask that she have one on one counseling rather than the group counseling session she was placed in. We are not the type of parents to hover and to ever ask for exceptions for our kids. They know that if their teacher, whether in school or church, or coach of their team says that they need to get with the program, then they need to get with the program. I don't think we've ever run into a problem with a teacher. They know we aren't those parents who think our kids are the golden children. Those parents bug me.

But in this case, we knew they didn't know the severity of Belén's depression. We asked her to first do as they suggested and report back on how she felt. She tried the group session but it was a no go. The Dean's office staff said they are overwhelmed with counseling but the majority is dealing with homesickness and anxiety, which untreated can result in far worse problems, of course. We absolutely didn't mind finding a counselor off campus but after reviewing her file, they realized that working her in to a private session was best. That helped ease my mind a lot.

It's been a little over a year since our whole journey into the treatment for depression started. It's been a long road and will more than likely be a lifelong one. Hopefully gone are the days that one is viewed as flawed, lacking faith or just plain ridiculous when even everyday life is too much for some.
I think the tide is changing.

Even the smallest of lives can touch hearts and minds

Winding down

Summer's last hurrah is upon us so I am getting all things ready for the school year. We're in transition at our house. The last one is off to Kindergarten. Even as I write that, my eyes well up with tears. It's safe to say I'm pretty attached to my boy; all my kids of course. The one real talent I've always felt that I had was that I could go with the flow and enjoy the stages with them, letting things roll off my back. That's not to say I haven't wanted to pull out my hair but overall, the raising of these future adults has been a kick. We still have some years to go in rearing children but we're at a milestone here and those times cause me to reflect.
Soon when we're back into the swing of things, I'll be on a regular blogging schedule. I'm shooting for September! Lots of ideas swirling...                                                                                        

xo
Laura

Heavy heart, thankfulness and words of advice

My heart is heavy and yet I am thankful. l received word yesterday that a friend I had served with in a Relief Society Presidency in my last LDS ward in South Carolina walked in on a robbery at her own business and was killed. She was well-known in the area and was very well liked. She was truly a wonderful and lovely person. Never have I met someone with such a smiley, happy attitude; one of those genuine souls.

I am so sad for their family.

I am thankful that I knew her. I am thankful that I worked with her and was in one of the best wards in the world where we still keep in touch, still send letters and Christmas cards, still mourn with each other... I am truly thankful for those associations.

As someone who has lost both parents at an early age, I can tell you that little anecdotes about your parent's life, those little remembrances told by people that loved them or worked with them or just associated with them somehow are hugely comforting. Not just the "you'll see them again" comments which are nice but I feel are a little trite. Mainly because most Christians believe in life after death of some sort so we want to hear something more personal in these moments. 

Remember that although intellectually they may believe in eternity and life everlasting, the heart is broken and tends to rule. It's ok to cry, it's ok to be angry, it's ok to be sad. Don't try to force the healing process by saying how wonderful their reunion will be some day. We know that. It may just take a little time for that to comfort us. Just share a nice moment in time about their loved one, something that will make them proud of their family, and be a friend. And all will be well eventually.

Last night I dreamt of my daughter; thoughts on depression

We were standing on the edge of the shore with our feet sinking into the sand as the tide rushed over them. The sea's foamy surf left bubbles on our toes. In the distance were big, crashing waves and white caps. Its sight along with the sound let you know of the sea's massive power. We'd walk a little farther into the ocean and run back as the waves got closer and flattened, laughing as we beat them to the shore.
I remembered in the last part of my dream thinking that the waves would not overtake us. They may always be in the distance but they're not coming close enough to suffocate.

And then I awoke and I wondered how my daughter slept last night. I wondered what her dreams were. This is her 2nd stay in the hospital and is being treated for depression. Like a freak wave in the ocean, it came out of nowhere and tumbled her to the ground. We had to deliver the news yesterday that she would not be involved in her high school graduation ceremonies.  Three and a half years of hard work and diligent studying seemingly washed away, she felt. Now we know this isn't true but in a teenager's mind the excitement of that day is all they think of. Her response was expected but through her tears she said, "I have literally been dreaming of this day with my friends. I should have done more."

It angered me a bit. Not at her but that here she is, fighting to get healthy and clear her mind and body of debilitating sadness and anxiety and even she falls into the culture so pervasive with mental health which says somehow she can prevent this. That somehow just thinking happy thoughts can take this away and she could have done more when she absolutely couldn't. By no means is this a choice, just as you wouldn't choose to have any other disease.

While I was visiting her yesterday, I counted 23 children at dinner between the ages of 4 and 12 in the child unit. 23 not counting those that hadn't earned a trip to the cafeteria and were eating back in the unit. And all those kids are the ones that are lucky enough to have people in their lives who feel that therapy is important and seek help or have the funds or insurance to place them in a mental health facility. It's time to deal with it as aggressively as we do cancer and other diseases. It's time.

We have decided as a family to be open with our experiences in mental illness. We're not ones to bring on the attention so you won't hear me talk about it a lot or reference it in everyday conversations. That tires people out. But we are not embarrassed because there is nothing to be embarrassed about and are open to questions of every kind.

As with pretty much everything in life, you meet challenges head on or you don't and just hope something changes. So we're going head to head with this sucker.

This is my boy

And he's 5 years old today. Right when he woke up I gave him a big hug and wished him a happy birthday. He said, "I'm all grown up now!"
And at church he skipped down the hall holding my hand saying to everyone, "I'm five today!" Oh how I love this boy.

Recently as seen through phone photos

Dog pile on dad.

A much needed getaway weekend to NYC with cool chicas. Jaime was a pro driving through Manhattan.

There's always a Scrabble game going here.

Bringing in Forsythia; a yearly tradition. #thankheavenforneighbors

Reworking the frames and photo walls. These Target ones are my favorite and they're 20% off this week.

An teen's article on thrifting and a throwback picture.

 

High school newspapers have come a long way since I was in school. They are filled with well-written and insightful, current topics that are important to teens. I always like reading the paper when my kids bring it home because of that.

 

My daughter showed me her recent article on thrift shopping and I was really impressed with her work, and also that she gave props to her old mom! I like how she points out that in 2011, 4.2 million people were served through the Goodwill. Donations and purchases help their mission. It really is a win-win situation.

 

When the song, "I'm gonna pop some tags" came out, Charley said, "Now everyone's asking me for my thrift shop sources! Before they couldn't believe where I got my stuff." She has a knack for scoring vintage clothes. One of my girls' favorite thing to do is raid my stash of 80's concert t-shirts.

Think George Michael's 'Faith' Tour 1989! Yup.

 

.

 

And for a throwback picture, here's Jon and me at 17. I'm wearing my mom's 1950's dress and Jon is wearing the sweater I bought him for Christmas. After searching the mall for the right dress and not finding anything I liked, my mom suggested I try on one of her dresses. This was a party dress that my mom had her bridesmaids wear. She bought one for herself as well.

 

On the back is an attached train and the way the fabric folds over the dress at the waist it creates kind of a pocket. You can kind of see it in the picture. I remember slow dancing with my friend Shane this night and he said, "I like your dress. It keeps my hands warm!" Funny the things we remember. I also remember getting my wisdom teeth out just a few days before the dance so my face was still swollen. Uhg, the timing!

 

Nice small school, budget backdrop by the way, and hair styles...but the dress, it was awesome. 

 

When I sold off much of my mom's personal belongings, a movie set designer/photographer came and bought some furniture and asked if I had dresses but I couldn't part with them. I let him have a few hats instead because I hope the dresses make it back to a dance some day.

 

I'm so glad the weekend is here, aren't you? Have a great one!

 

xo

Laura

Looking forward - a personal lesson on being comforted

The weekend is always the part of the week where I look forward to a little down time (naturally) but lately the down time is smothered by the frustrations of the week before; just rolling into Saturday and Sunday.

During Sunday School yesterday, my mind was drifitng to warmer locales and faraway places. It wasn't for a lack of good teaching or discussion. Quite the contrary, our teacher is excellent and the discussion was thought provoking. I just wasn't tuning in. Isn't that the way it always is? The messages are always the same; good and uplifting. We just need to be ready to hear. He that hath ears to hear...

So as the discussion went on, I jumped from page to page in the scriptures, not really looking for anything in particular, just randomly turning pages. And then I landed upon John 14:18 and it jumped out at me,     "I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you." Just like that.

I was thinking how I could really use my mom's comforting wisdom right about then. It's been so long without my confidant. And then the scripture popped up and I thought, 'Dang, the Lord's good. Knowing just what I need at the precise time.'

And with that, the sun peeked out this morning, a reminder that there are warmer days ahead, in all respects.

Have a good Monday.
xo
Laura

My two February babies, Reese and Belen, circa 2002