I know it's PC to say that I limit my kids' television watching exposure. Really, I know I should limit it but when I really need to work...which is everyday, I turn on Disney Junior and let Trae have at it. There, I said it, I feel better now.

And speaking of Disney, we went to Disney on Ice the other night. We haven't been to a show since Belén and Charley were little so it was time to take the other three and since they were running a great special on tickets, we couldn't pass it up.

This is how good it was: Trae crying when the show was over.

 

 

Have a great day!

Mother's Day Tea - Kindergarten style

On Thursday was the big treat for mothers in Blair's Kindergarten class. I picked up Belén from school a little early so she could be home with Trae since this party was during the last 45 minutes of school. A crowded classroom and a 4 year-old who would want to go into the playhouse and bang pots and pans gave me visions of chasing him around the room and missing their performance. So it was better I left him.

I headed off to the school and realized 3 streets over that I had forgotten my camera so I quickly headed back home. Luckily we live a 3 minute drive from school but it still put me behind. I signed in to the school 7 minutes late and I knew Blair was going to be worried. I hoped the whole time that she could keep it together but I know my little tender hearted girl, it would be hard for her. She'd smile but with big tears in her eyes.

When I got to the room, I saw some of my mom friends motion to me and could read their lips saying, "She's here!" to Blair. I walked in at the last part of their first song and Blair was singing but with a worried face and big tears. She came right over and hugged me and I told her I was really sorry but never doubt I would always support her and then I reminded us to be mindful of those children whose mom's couldn't be here. Teaching moments...

The class went on to sing us more songs, give us Mother's day gifts and serve snacks and drinks. They even recited a poem with each child memorizing and saying their own line.

I told Blair that she could make herself a plate while she made one for me, like the other kids were doing, but she didn't want to do that. She said for me to just sit down so she could serve me. Doing that caused her to stand in line all over again for herself but she waited patiently and with cheerfulness and it made me so happy to see her strength. I love being a mom.

Don't make me go all caps on you

Okay, I really do have a couple craft/design posts coming, really, but I feel I have to say this since I keep reading those "guilty" mothering statuses on Facebook. And then I made the mistake of watching the bit on Anderson Cooper where a woman called stay-at-home moms "lazy" and I didn't feel the SAHMs defended their position very well. Some of their silence could be taken as agreement. Really, it's 2012 and we're still debating that?? Whatever.

Back to the guilt - So what is everyone feeling so guilty about? That you cannot measure up to your own demands? That you cannot measure up to a neighbor who seems to have it all together? Who is putting this pressure on you to be that perfect mom? I have been a mom for almost 17 years now and since then I have been told that there is no such thing as a perfect mom. Have you heard that too? If so, who is spreading this rumor to the contrary?
And to whom are you comparing yourself?
Where is this SuperMom that everyone seems to think exists? She seems like the Sasquatch of suburbia to me. I would like to meet her.

Bottom line: Guilty feeling mothers - you gotta STOP thinking this way! It's self-imposed and we have to stop it or our daughters will grow to think the same way.

I've met some good moms, sure, and I have friends whom I admire and are good moms but I don't think they are perfect moms. I think the mothering they do works for them. And that is where I think women should be: doing what works for their family and being the mother that fits them, their personality, their lives. (Unless of course this involves being mean. And when I say "mean," I really think abusive but that's a whole other story.)

I don't think we could ever get to all that we want to do and in the way we want to do it. Restrictions on time and money contribute to that so we've got to pick and choose and be happy about it. Let the guilt fall and leave it there.

By my mom's own admission, she had plenty of imperfections. I knew that. But guess what?? I didn't care. I don't even remember them anymore, really. Nudging me awake at midnight on a school night to get hot chocolate at Shari's restaurant is one of my favorite memories of her. Just she and I out and about. Giddy from being tired, we'd laugh and laugh about stuff and then would laugh about laughing so hard. A "perfect" mom probably would've made her children get their rest for school the next day. I am so glad she wasn't a perfect mom.

So remember this: Your children love you despite what you think of yourself. Don't continue to waste your time worrying about whether you're being a perfect mom to them because frankly, you're not. But you're better, you're their version of a perfect mom. And theirs is the only version that really matters.

I'm done wagging my finger at us now. :)


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And because we like pictures with our posts, here's a picture of my horses (2nd picture.) Mine was the black one. The Midnight Champion was his show name but I just called him "Middy." Star Countess was my sister's but we just called her Star. She was a diva. (Horse not sister.)

The house where I grew up is in the background on the hill between the two horses. There I was raised by imperfect people who loved me a lot.

The great mother debate

Blair's/My first day of school

A friend was watching my kids the other day while I attended a meeting. She asked if I had always worked (outside the home) My answer was no and then it quickly changed. I said that I guess I had, almost realizing for the first time that I seemed to have always kept a part-time job, noting only a few years here and there when I didn't. It's always seemed so automatic that maybe I had forgotten.

I worked full-time about 8 weeks after Charley was born and up until she was 4 years old. I loved my job and looked forward to work everyday. I considered myself lucky that I didn't find it drudgery. My mom lived with us so she made it easy for me to work and not worry about my girls at home.

But as with anything, change happens. The company was in turmoil after the owners made some decisions which affected us all. So ultimately it wasn't going to work anymore and the time came to move on so I thought it was the perfect time to have another baby.

I continued with a part-time job just up until we welcomed the baby. I enjoyed the break from work and was loving life with 3 little ones. Jon received a transfer to Washington DC so he flew back and forth every few weeks to see us. When the time came to join him, I realized the cost of living between Utah and DC was not going to let me sleep so I went back to work when Reese was a year old. It wasn't at the same level as before but I always thought that anything to boost your resume or keep the skill set fresh was good.

People often talk about the guilt associated with mothers who work full-time and to make it a balancing act. Worried that I was missing the good mother chip because I didn't feel guilty, I was always hesitant to say that I really liked to work outside of the home. I usually kept silent on the subject because I lived in both worlds and enjoyed them each. I remember being hammered by one person about it after she went on and on about "working" mothers and how they should be home, knowing full well I was working 9-5 in an office.

I finally just said that I liked my job which was the first time I heard myself say it openly, outside of my personal thoughts. Maybe I could say that more easily because I have been lucky in finding jobs that worked around kid's schedules, even taking some where I work in the middle of the night so that I can be available for them in the day. Although I don't recommend that because it is a zombie-like existence.

This balance stuff that is talked about too - for me it's rubbish. I wouldn't say I am balanced at all, anywhere. But you have to go into it knowing something will give and you have to be OK with that. I also think you can choose what gives and I choose everything but family life, kids and my relationship with my husband and it seems to work.

I've made mistakes along the way, still am, but I learn and am quick to forgive myself knowing that the Lord knows why I work and He is really all I have to answer to.

Why all this? Well, it's just been on my mind for the last however many years, so maybe it's something you're thinking of as well?

I'd like to know your thoughts. Even if they differ from mine, I enjoy hearing them. Selfish purposes I guess, I like to learn something new.

Friday Finds on Monday - hint: charming finds.