Carolyn Joyce Montgomery

I remember the first time I met my mother-in-law. She was far from being that to me since I was just the high school girlfriend of her youngest son. Jon invited me to his house for dinner and then we played Trivial Pursuit with his parents. I liked her voice right away. It was soft with a slight southern drawl. It wasn't harsh only subtle. She spoke slowly, carefully. She said it was "delaht-ful" to meet me. I liked the way she said it. I like the goodness that emanated from her voice. Its sound forever echoed in my mind.

It wasn't until years later that I saw her again. Jon brought me back to the old house to see everyone and this time we played Chickenfoot. She was still kind and soft spoken but now I was going to have years to see her true goodness, dedication to her church and God, devotion to her husband, love for her grandkids and quick wit. She was truly a lovely and talented woman.

Once when we were visiting she was knee-deep in piles of jeans. She held up a patchwork of denim that was to be the covering of the quilt on which she was working. She had organized a jean drive so she and some other ladies could make quilts for the needy. She wanted something durable yet soft so it would not wear out so quickly. She was always thinking this way, wanting the best for people. Smiling, she said she only had 10 more to go.

Her deterioration over the past few months have been quick. But before her body and mind succumbed to disease, we made a trip to see her. There were moments of lucidity on our visits, just enough time for her to recognize Jon and tell him what a good baby he was and that she was so happy he was there. I was touched by that sentiment and it summed it all up for me at that moment - what really mattered. And while our hearts are heavy at her passing today, we are thankful that her mind and body are at peace and that her parents will be so happy she is there, with them in heaven.

The great mother debate

Blair's/My first day of school

A friend was watching my kids the other day while I attended a meeting. She asked if I had always worked (outside the home) My answer was no and then it quickly changed. I said that I guess I had, almost realizing for the first time that I seemed to have always kept a part-time job, noting only a few years here and there when I didn't. It's always seemed so automatic that maybe I had forgotten.

I worked full-time about 8 weeks after Charley was born and up until she was 4 years old. I loved my job and looked forward to work everyday. I considered myself lucky that I didn't find it drudgery. My mom lived with us so she made it easy for me to work and not worry about my girls at home.

But as with anything, change happens. The company was in turmoil after the owners made some decisions which affected us all. So ultimately it wasn't going to work anymore and the time came to move on so I thought it was the perfect time to have another baby.

I continued with a part-time job just up until we welcomed the baby. I enjoyed the break from work and was loving life with 3 little ones. Jon received a transfer to Washington DC so he flew back and forth every few weeks to see us. When the time came to join him, I realized the cost of living between Utah and DC was not going to let me sleep so I went back to work when Reese was a year old. It wasn't at the same level as before but I always thought that anything to boost your resume or keep the skill set fresh was good.

People often talk about the guilt associated with mothers who work full-time and to make it a balancing act. Worried that I was missing the good mother chip because I didn't feel guilty, I was always hesitant to say that I really liked to work outside of the home. I usually kept silent on the subject because I lived in both worlds and enjoyed them each. I remember being hammered by one person about it after she went on and on about "working" mothers and how they should be home, knowing full well I was working 9-5 in an office.

I finally just said that I liked my job which was the first time I heard myself say it openly, outside of my personal thoughts. Maybe I could say that more easily because I have been lucky in finding jobs that worked around kid's schedules, even taking some where I work in the middle of the night so that I can be available for them in the day. Although I don't recommend that because it is a zombie-like existence.

This balance stuff that is talked about too - for me it's rubbish. I wouldn't say I am balanced at all, anywhere. But you have to go into it knowing something will give and you have to be OK with that. I also think you can choose what gives and I choose everything but family life, kids and my relationship with my husband and it seems to work.

I've made mistakes along the way, still am, but I learn and am quick to forgive myself knowing that the Lord knows why I work and He is really all I have to answer to.

Why all this? Well, it's just been on my mind for the last however many years, so maybe it's something you're thinking of as well?

I'd like to know your thoughts. Even if they differ from mine, I enjoy hearing them. Selfish purposes I guess, I like to learn something new.

Friday Finds on Monday - hint: charming finds.

Poor November...

pushed aside for it's prettier, more popular sister, December.

The day before Halloween I was at the store browsing the aisles.

Of course I was there for last minute things...

As I was aimlessly looking at each aisle of things that I didn't

really need, I began to hum, "It's beginning to look a lot like Christmaaas, daaa, da daa, da daaa.." and I realized that I was doing it.

I was getting Halloween over with so I could get ready for Christmas.

I wasn't even thinking about Thanksgiving. I felt bad for November.

So this year I am committed to enjoying this last full month of fall, cranking out the pumpkin pie (the family favorite) and trying out some new warm, soothing, fall comfort foods.

And I am not even looking at the Christmas decorations until I have finished raking all the leaves and help to lift November's spirits,

Or mine..

This year we are taking a Thanksgiving trip to Texas to visit Jon's family which we are all excited and thankful for. And I also get to visit my relative's on my mom's side.

I have missed my mom everyday for 9 months now so seeing her family - my family, will be a soothing way to enter in to what was her favorite holiday, Christmas.

I have never visited Texas without her and I don't expect to this time either.