"Not my child"

Have you ever heard that from someone? Or maybe said it yourself?

As I was picking up my second grader from school, she entered the car with a pair of glasses in her hand. I looked at them and asked whose they were and wondered why we had them. I was told a friend let her borrow them because she did poorly on an eye test. I confiscated the glasses and set them aside, forgetting about them amidst the flurry of activity.

As soon as we returned home, my child went to take a nap which wasn't uncommon. She called me to her room and said that she "had a bad feeling in her chest." I was concerned because we had some prior medical issues with her heart but the check-ups always turned out fine. Then the phone rang and it was the school nurse telling me that my child was seen at the nurse's office. The same complaints were heard and she told me that feelings of anxiety and impending doom can be common with heart patients. It's often right before something happens, like a sixth sense.. And then she went on to tell me that she flunked her eye test and was moved to the front of the class because she was having a hard time seeing the board.

Strange I thought, she had never exhibited difficulties in seeing before. So I called the eye Dr. and they could see her that day. During all of this, she became more worried and felt sick. She kept complaining of a stomach ache and that bad feeling in her chest wasn't going way.

She said she felt bad but didn't want to talk about it yet.

I was beginning to put some things together and thought I had better call the teacher. Just as I was about to call her, she called me and asked if my child had worn prescription glasses. I told her that strangely enough we were going to the eye Dr. because of this failed eye test. She proceeded to tell me that my child stole some one's glasses and was wearing them in class. I couldn't believe what I was hearing but I said it all made sense now. After we laughed about a few things, I assured her I was going to handle it. Insert evil laughter.

On the way to the eye doc, I said that now was the time to be honest. This lesson was going to cost me 50.00 dollars. Impending doom on its way. But the anticipation of having her very own glasses was too exciting for her and maybe, just maybe, this was working out! .

So we got the eye test done and my child was beaming. There was nothing of concern about her eyes except for the fact that she was in need of some attention. I felt bad about that part. It did seem like she always got the short end of the stick and I would change that and make things better but not before dealing with the lying and stealing.

The Dr. asked if I wanted to do a further test. It wasn't covered under insurance but it would be a thorough exam. He reminded me that her eyes would be sensitive and she'd have to wear these glasses for a few hours, holding them up for us to see.

Yes! That's just what I needed to teach this lesson. I love being a parent! Mwah haha...

My child said no. I said "Let's do it." Again, insert evil laughter here.

So we did and she came out of the exam room looking all goofy, in her roll-up temporary "glasses." She was so cute though, you almost felt sorry for her. She saw me and started to take them off.

I said, "No, you'll hurt your eyes!"

She was trying to keep from crying. I was trying to keep from laughing.

I "suddenly" remembered that I had errands to run that day so we made a stop to Target. She insisted she was going to stay in the car. At 100 degrees outside I told her she'd burn up so she had to come inside. She started to remove the glasses but I reminded her that the light would hurt her eyes so she had to keep them on. Reluctantly, she came inside and I paraded her all over with those things. The next stops were to Ross and Michael's, making it a point to wave to all of the people we saw from school. We wouldn't want anyone thinking we're anti-social now, would we?

After that, the letter to her teacher, the girl and her parents wasn't such a difficult thing to do.

Last night, I found those glasses in a box and had Blair put them on and walk into the next room to show everyone. We all laughed and the guilty party just shook her head. Jon and I cracked up at reliving the lesson learned and how I took her all over town. More evil laughter. Payback hurts.

And then Jon reminded that when I am old and need my diaper changed, she won't be willing to do it. She shook her head in agreement.

Payback hurts.