A birthday letter

Dear Mom,

On your birthday each year, the past exits and a new beginning starts.

I wish I would have stuck around a bit more on your New Year's Eve birthday but there were those teen-age celebrations I just thought I had to get to.

I understand now that you wanted me to go have fun and that your birthday was just another day to you, except with cards and cake.

You were happiest seeing your kids happy. I feel the same way.

I wish you were still here though. Not gonna lie.

It's not with sadness I say that, just wishing from my heart. But it would be so great to chat on the phone and tell you funny things the kids do or hear about those twilight zone adventures of, shall we say, your "interesting" neighbors. Your rebellious side was always so endearing to me.

I feel bad for women who don't get along with their mothers. I also feel bad for mothers who don't realize the magnitude of their call. I remember years back I mentioned in one of our hours long talks, I felt that I had let a bit of life slip by. That I could have done more when I had more free time. And your response was, "You are. You're having children." I said that anyone can have a child though and then you said, "True, but sadly, not everyone will raise them well. And raising children well is more than doing anything else."

And then you added that the time would come when I could fit it all in - it's just about balance, timing and drive - no worries, it will happen you said. You were so right.

I know you were not a perfect mother and I'm not either, but your love was.

And your mothering effect continues.

I don't know if you celebrate your birthday in heaven or the day you returned there but I hope you are enjoying it. I'm so happy life continues on both sides, that's cool.