Hair plugs for trees

The saga of the Christmas tree buying expedition.

We have had a few good Christmas tree buying stories over the years. The one that really sticks out in my mind though, is the Christmas of 2003.

We had just completed our first year of living in Maryland and we loaded up the kids and went off into the chilly night to the tree lot. Jon and I studied all of the trees and made sure they were straight. (Not that we have anything against alternative lifestyle trees.) But, one year I let Jon pick the tree which he did in a record 3 minutes and 24 seconds. Even the Fred Meyer garden clerk was surprised. Upon arriving home and setting it up, it kept falling over. Long story short - crooked tree, Jon wrestled, lost and in defeat he muttered some naughty words.
True to MacGyver style, I used fishing line, nails and the window sill to keep it upright. End of story. (And the end of letting Jon go it alone on the tree hunt.;)

But now back to Maryland.
We found a tree which was lush, big and full. It wasn't wrapped in netting but that was okay since we weren't far from home. I suggested putting it into the van where it could fit in between the kids. Jon, being thoughtful, didn't want to inconvenience them so he just put it on the roof of our van.

That worked too, I thought.

The tree guy didn't have much twine so Jon tied it with what he had. After getting into the car he told me to hang on to the tree and he would do the same.

"Are you kidding?" I said, not knowing if he was being facetious.

"No. Just put your arm out there and hang on. Trust me, it'll work, I've got it on this side and will drive slowly. There's no one on the roads right now anyway."

So we puttered down the road with Jon's left arm outstretched out of the window, hanging on to the tree and my right arm doing the same from the passenger side. Everything was going okay until I could feel the tree slip a little. I told Jon that it felt like it was going to come off.

"Nahhhh." Jon said smiling.

Then suddenly Jon said "Uh Oh!!" and I heard the whoosh of the branches scrape the top of our van and felt the pine needles slip through my fingers. I quickly pulled my arm in and looked at all of the needles in my hand.

I yelled, "We lost the tree!! We lost the tree!"

Instinctively, we all turned around and Jon looked in the rear view mirror.

"Oh crap."
"It hit the car behind us." Jon said dryly.

He pulled over quickly and we jumped out. The driver of the other car pulled up right behind us. An 80 year old woman got out of the car.
I was thinking we almost killed a grandma on Christmas.

She walked up to me and slowly said, "Did I hit a deeer?"
I said, "No ma'am, you hit a tree."
"A tree? What was a tree doing in the middle of the road?"
"It was our tree." I looked embarrassed.
"Your tree??" She looked confused.
"Yes, It flew off of our car and landed on yours."
"Oh, that's what it was. I was driving along and all of a sudden something came flying in front of me. I thought it was a deer." she said.

Meanwhile, Jon was trying to rescue the tree that was now in the middle of the road. The fog had rolled in and there were no street lights. I realized that no one was going to see the tree in these driving conditions. So I resorted to jumping on the side of the road waving my arms to warn motorists. I think they thought I was doing jumping jacks or was just being friendly as they waved back to me excitedly until they swerved last minute to avoid hitting it. I'm sure they thought. "Oh, that's what she was doing" when they saw the tree...

Each time, it rolled into the other lane as a car passed, getting hit on either side. One car was full of people laughing and appeared to be rocking out to their tunes. I folded my fingers into my palms and held my hands to my cheeks, nervously waiting for them to hit it. I saw them all scream as they rolled over the tree. I can still picture them in the car, arms outstretched, bracing themselves by holding on to the seat in front, mouths wide open. As their car bounced a few times over something big in the road, they screamed and laughed when they saw it was only a tree.

I couldn't help but laugh and turned to our kids in the van. Their faces were stuck to the window and their grins evidenced the hilarity of it all.

After that, the coast was finally clear and Jon rescued our poor, poor tree.
We sat silently in the car all the way home.

Belen and Charley whispered to ask if the tree was going to be okay.
I told them it was once we got her all made-over.

Jon hauled in what was left of it.
After he set it up, the tree kept falling.
Again, Jon wrestled, lost and in defeat, kicked it and possibly muttered a bad word or two.

It had already been through enough, the tree that is.

Remembering my usage of the mono filament from a few years before, I tied the tree to the window sill once more and positioned the gaping hole toward the wall. Realizing there was more than one gaping hole and mangled patches, I decided it was a matter of choosing which one was the lesser wound and filling in the others.
I used the boughs that I had on our entry door to fill in the gaps.
Think of it as extensions or hair plugs for trees.
It ended up being a beautiful tree and enjoyed the rest of its time with us.

Don't worry trees - I'll protect you.